Wandering, Wondering
by Hamliet
Summary: To celebrate graduation from Re Academy, Kaneki suggests camping. But as they celebrate one last hurrah together, they are still running away from secrets they'd rather not share... but they can only heal if they come into the open. One-shot spin-off of The Forgotten; can be read as a stand-alone. Touken, Mutsurie, Ayahina, Akiramon, Nishikimi, Tsukikana, Seidou/Kurona, Saiko/Hsiao


**So I... uh... apparently was wrong about being finished in the Re Academy universe. This story is the fifth in s series of one-shot spin-offs/sequels to my longer fic called "The Forgotten," but I think it works as a standalone as well (and you don't have to have read the previous one-shots either). It takes place in an alternate universe; specifically, a boarding school for troubled children call Re Academy.**

 **Much of the inspiration for this fic comes from headcanons exchanged with my friend trashyhumanespresso on tumblr! Thanks, friend.  
**

 **And thank you for reading!**

* * *

"Who suggested this was a good idea?" complains Akira. She pants, lungs constricting as she climbs the hill. Dirt smears her boots and sweat drips down her spine.

Amon looks down at her, lips curving apologetically. He adjusts the pack on his back. Akira manages a smile back up at her boyfriend. _Oh right_. They both agreed it would be a good idea to get away for a weekend, at least so that they could postpone yet again telling Akira's dad that they moved in together last week. Akira just told him she got an apartment with friends. Which she did: Touka and Kaneki are sharing the second bedroom. _It's not a lie._

"For once, we agree on something," Tsukiyama says, nose wrinkling as he gazes around them. "This is a major downgrade from our post-graduation weekend trip last year."

"If I don't wind up with a concussion on this trip it's better," quips Higemaru. Karren's eyebrows swing together in a glare and Hige backs up, hands raised.

Akira peers up at the dense forest rising above them, bright sunlight shining through green leaves that spread like an afghan blanket over their heads. _It_ is _pretty_.

"Here will work," decides Kaneki, wiping sweat from his brow.

Akira bites her lip. When Hide heard Yomo telling Touka that he and Marude were recruiting donors for Re Academy in a wealthy mountain resort town, Hide suggested they get together, all of them alumni from Re Academy linked forever by their work to take down Furuta, and go camping to celebrate the most recent graduates, Akira was excited. But for whatever reason, that sunny energy's evaporated now. Her head throbs.

" _At least you're adults and graduates," grumbled Marude. "That way I don't have to concern myself with any of you."_ Which is fair enough, because Akira's pretty sure they gave him more than a few gray hairs during their time as students.

"Are we close to the lake?" asks Kurona, examining a ladybug she lets crawl over her hand.

"Close enough," Kaneki confirms.

"We should set up tents before it gets dark," Hide supplies, dropping his pack and cracking his back. "Damn, that's heavy."

 _This was_ your _idea,_ Akira thinks sourly.

"You okay?" Amon whispers to her as he drops his own bag onto the dirt and dried leaves carpeting the ground.

Akira nods. "Just tired." She hopes she can shake off this gloom. But right now, she can't help but wish she'd agreed to do what Hakatori and Ikuma did when they were invited: laugh and say _hell no_. She could've just ignored her father's calls and let herself be eaten by guilt instead of by bears.

A slap echoes. Akira wonders who will shriek at their friend for slapping them. No one does, though. _Disappointing or a relief?_

Her brain's too tired to figure it out. Akira rubs the back of her neck. "Who's sleeping in which tent?" she asks, helping Amon drag one of the tents out from his bag.

"We'll figure it out later," Amon assures her. He grins at her, eyes carefree and happy for once, and some of Akira's gray malaise fades. She smiles back. He reaches out to wipe a dead gnat off her sweaty face.

"Ew," comments Akira.

"You're pretty anyways," Amon says, face reddening. "Dead bugs and all."

 _You're ridiculous and it's adorable._ Akira leans in, her lips brushing his.

Another slap echoes, followed quickly by a third. Akira spins around to see Urie slapping his hands at the air around him. "Fucking mosquitoes!"

"They've been leaving me alone," calls Shirazu, staking a tent peg into the ground.

"I have seventeen bites already!" complains Urie.

"It's because you're sweet," teases Mutsuki, grinning up at his boyfriend, and even Urie can't keep a smile off his face.

"A sweet cookie!" cheers Saiko, munching on a cookie herself.

Shirazu bursts into laughter. "That's bullshit if I ever heard it. Urie's like 500% salt."

"500% isn't a thing!" Urie snarls.

"It can be if—"

"Stop bickering!" hollers Kaneki.

"No!" Urie yells back.

"Do you need bug spray?" asks Hinami, digging through her bag and pulling out a can. She beams as she hands it over. Ayato smirks as if he's proud of her.

"Thanks," Urie says. Mutsuki takes it and tells Urie to hold his arms and legs out. Mutsuki pinches his nose and sprays.

A slight breeze ruffles the trees. Akira covers her mouth with her hand as the wind carries the chemical scent down towards them. _Blech_. She coughs.

After the tents are set up, they work out that Kaneki, Touka, Nishiki, Kimi, Hinami and Ayato will share one; Kurona, Seidou, Nakarai, Tamaki, Mikage, Amon, and Akira in the second one; Tsukiyama, Karren, Takeomi, Yoriko, Chie, and Hide in the third, and in the small fourth one, just Juuzou and Hanbee. It's odd to Akira that Juuzou and Hanbee didn't want to be with Nakarai, Tamaki, and Mikage, but whatever. Maybe they want some quiet time to themselves.

"Glamping is more my style," Tsukiyama says, fingering a thin sleeping bag with a look of dismay.

"Wait until you see dinner," Touka teases. Tsukiyama pales.

"Want to check out the lake?" asks Kimi. "I hear they have canoes!" She clutches Nishiki's arm as if she's imagining them rowing through placid waters, doves flocking around them.

"Yes please," says Nishiki, kissing her temple.

"How about a hike?" asks Kaneki. Touka's hand immediately shoots up in the air.

"I'm staying here," says Tsukiyama. "Karren, you go ahead."

" _Nein_ ," Karren snaps. "I'll stay with you."

"But, _ma chère_ ," Tsukiyama starts, and then Karren starts arguing with him in German and French. Akira pulls her hair off her neck and into bun.

"Fine," Karren gripes. "I'm going hiking."

In the end, Kaneki, Touka, Karren, Hide, Takeomi, Yoriko, Amon, and Akira form the hiking group, and everyone else forms the canoeing/lake group. Kaneki warns them all to be back by dark.

"Yes, Your Majesty," jokes Tsukiyama, mock-bowing. Kaneki rolls his eyes.

The scenery really is beautiful, Akira has to admit. Swooping verdant hills and azure sky. Chie should have plenty of photographs to take. Akira doesn't understand why her limbs feel so heavy, and why she keeps getting out of breath, or why her mind keeps thinking up snarky, sour remarks. If Urie's 500% salt, Akira must be 1000% salt, and she wants to wash it away.

"You okay, Akira?" asks Kaneki, frowning over his shoulder.

"Fine," Akira grunts.

"Are you pregnant?" asks Karren.

"Jesus! No!" Akira glares at her. Amon turns scarlet. Akira rolls her eyes. _Dad will be wondering that when we tell him, won't he?_

Touka shrieks. A sparrow swoops overhead, and Touka dives onto the ground, covering her head with her hands. "Kaneki!"

He bats his arms like a madman, scaring the bird away.

"What?" asks Takeomi, rubbing his face.

"Touka hates birds," Yoriko informs him. Kaneki helps Touka to her feet and she staggers over to them, face the color of milk.

The sparrow chirps and swoops back around. Touka yelps and ducks again, slamming into Akira, who stumbles over a rock. The ground with its leaves and rocks soars towards her face. Her hands land first. "Dammit!"

"Akira!" Amon charges over to her.

"Calm down, Touka, it's okay!" Hide cries out.

Akira twitches her feet. Pain spasms in the joint. _Shit_. "My ankle's twisted," she states.

Amon rolls up her pants, palpitating the ankle. Akira winces.

"Demon bird!" Touka curses.

"I'm fine," Akira insists. "It's not that bad."

"Like hell," Amon grouses.

"Shit, Akira," breathes Touka. "I'm sorry."

"I'll be fine." _Roomie_. Akira pushes down to get to her feet. Her ankle wobbles as she tries to hobble forwards. _Or not._

"Let me help you," Amon says instantly.

Akira scowls. She sneezes, covering her mouth.

"Um," says Karren.

"What?" snaps Akira.

"You're acting abnormally bitchy," Karren says, crossing her arms. "Are you feeling okay besides the ankle?"

"I have a headache," Akira says, rubbing her temples.

Amon presses his hand to her forehead. He draws it back, face white. "You're burning up."

 _What?_ Akira swallows. Well, her nostrils do feel like they've been rubbed with sandpaper.

"I have paracetemol," offers Yoriko. "Well, back at the campsite anyways. You can have some, Akira."

"I'm fine," Akira insists. _I'm not weak._

"To quote Shirazu from earlier, bullshit," says Amon. "Let me help you back to camp, okay, Akira? Please."

Akira swallows. _You want to help me. Because you love me._ She nods.

He scoops her up in his arms. She presses her hands against his pecs. "Not bad," she murmurs. He snorts, face turning beet red, and she smiles.

* * *

Juuzou grins as he dips his oar into the calm lake. Hanbee sucks in his breath. "Should we be doing this?"

"Yes," Juuzou affirms as they steer towards Nishiki and Kimi's canoe.

Kimi's trying to stand up at the front like she's in _Titanic_. "Look, Nishiki, I'm flying!" A slight breeze wafts through the air, sending ripples across the lake. Kimi looks over her shoulder, auburn hair rippling around her face, and shrieks.

"Hey!" Nishiki turns to glare at Juuzou and Hanbee as they bump into their canoe. Kimi wobbles and falls to her knees, clutching the edge.

"How did you not fall in?" Juuzou exclaims, squinting from the sunlight. _We'll get someone to go in. Who's a good victim?_

Kimi glowers at them. Behind her, Urie and Mutsuki race Shirazu and Saiko in their canoes. Hsiao, paddling by herself, beats them all. Higemaru and Aura bicker about how to paddle, with Aura seemingly unable to get the rhythm down and leaving them essentially rowing in circles. Chie snaps photos from the dock, and Nakarai convinced Tamaki and Mikage to watch for birds with him. Hinami and Ayato float in the center of the pond, facing each other and kissing.

Juuzou's heart picks up pace as he remembers what's in his pockets. He glances over his shoulder at Hanbee.

 _Is this a good idea after all?_ Juuzou isn't used to questioning his decisions and he doesn't like how it feels, this confusion, all sticky.

"Look!" Hanbee cries suddenly. "It's a fish." He peers down at the lake. Juuzou smiles. He tries to remember what Shinohara told him. _Someone who really loves you won't care about that._

"Seidou, don't!" Kurona yells. Takizawa leans over the edge of his canoe to grasp at something in the lake. The canoe tips to the side. Juuzou's jaw drops. The canoe tips over, sending Kurona and Takizawa into the water with a splash.

 _Well. Mission accomplished and I didn't even have to do anything._ Juuzou cackles. Kurona and Takizawa surface, sputtering. Kurona shoves Takizawa.

"Juuzou," Hanbee says. "We should—"

"Yeah, yeah." Juuzou rows over to them. "Need some help?"

Seidou spits lake water out of his mouth. Kurona treads water, her teeth chattering. "Maybe."

 _It's weird that we're friends now, considering Nashiro_. She takes his stitched hand without a grimace. He pulls her out of the lake.

Aura lets out a screech. Juuzou turns to see him on shore now. Something gray and fluffy clings to his face. _A squirrel?_

Aura flails, trying to get it off. The squirrel finally leaps away from Aura's flailing fists.

"Is that a dance?" Higemaru calls as he starts imitating him, laughing. Aura shoves Higemaru into the lake.

"My self-esteem suddenly improved," Takizawa remarks. "At least I didn't get assaulted by a squirrel."

By the time they get back to the campsite, the sun drips through the leaves, mango and strawberry-colored. The hikers are already back: Yoriko scrambles out of her tent and into another one. "I found the paracetamol!"

"Is everyone okay?" asks Kimi, eyes wide. She's ordered Aura to put antiseptic on his scratches.

Kaneki presses his lips together. "Akira sprained her ankle, and she's got a fever."

"I have a thermometer," Kimi says, always a med student even on her break. Juuzou's not looking forward to studying at college, even though he knows Hanbee will help him. So will Shinohara.

It's easy to pretend right now, when they're all gathered together, his friends from Re Academy, that they all still live there, that they all still call that place home, that they have each other as family even though for various reasons their blood families don't want them or can't have them. But it's all going to change. They've graduated.

Akira declines to come out for dinner, and Amon keeps glancing over his shoulder as if he's worried about her. They take turns roasting meat over the stove, and Kaneki lights a fire for them to make s'mores. Juuzou eats twelve, chocolate dripping down his fingers and marshmallow sticking to his chin, graham cracker crumbs dotting his lips. Tsukiyama pulls out a bottle.

"You did not," says Touka, gaping.

Nishiki holds up his hand for a high five. Tsukiyama pours them all small cups of wine. Juuzou's lips pucker. It's too bitter for him. He needs to wash the taste away with another s'more. Akira finally staggers out to join them, though she's looked better. Even in the firelight, Juuzou can tell her skin's paler than her hair, and even wrapped in a thick green blanket, she shivers. Urie slaps mosquito after mosquito, each time punctuating the slap with an obscenity more creative than the previous.

Eventually everyone meanders to their tents. Kaneki and Hide put the fire out, and Juuzou zips the tent up, using his phone as a flashlight. The items in his pocket crinkle. "Hey, Hanbee."

"Yeah?" Hanbee asks, pulling his hair to the side.

 _Do I just ask him if he wants to do it?_ Juuzou scowls and then leans forward, pressing his lips against Hanbee's. Hanbee kisses him back, hand cupping the back of Juuzou's neck, his thumbs between the knobs of Juuzou's spine, gentle and yet secure. He rises up on his knees, wrapping his arms around Hanbee's shoulders and pressing deeper in Hanbee's mouth.

He remembers Big Madam then, and the s'mores turn to ashes bubbling with the remains of that bitter wine in his stomach. _You're so beautiful as a girl, Rei._ Juuzou draws back. He pants, resting on his heels.

"What's wrong?" Hanbee asks. "Are you okay, Juuzou?"

 _Juuzou._ Not Rei. He's never know Juuzou as Rei.

" _You can pick a new name," Shinohara told him all those years ago in the hospital. "You can be who you want to be."_

Juuzou had never had choices before. Everything he did Big Madam told him to. Everything was about making her happy. And she paid him for it with a hammer, and with knife hilt pressed into his palm.

Juuzou's told Hanbee about Rei, and Hanbee has only said he's sorry for it. And then he kissed Juuzou. _It really doesn't matter to you, does it?_

Juuzou digs into his pocket and brings out the two packages Tsukiyama gave him the night before Hairu and Ui's wedding. "Do you want to?"

"Oh." Hanbee's eyes widen. He gulps and picks up one of them, hesitating. "Do _you?"_

"I arranged for us to get a tent to ourselves," Juuzou says. His heart thumps. "And brought these. I want to."

"Okay." Hanbee bites his lip. He fiddles with the ends of his long hair.

"Do _you_ want to?" Juuzou asks. Crickets chirp outside, and a frog croaks. The leaves rustle.

Hanbee nods. "Yeah." He leans forward. His lips take Juuzou's in his.

 _This is it_. Juuzou tenses. His fingers comb through Hanbee's hair. It feels like silk. Juuzou rises up on his knees. Hanbee's gentle, so Juuzou presses down, harder into his mouth. And then he catches a glimpse of Hanbee's eyes looking up at him. They're glistening.

 _Someone who really loves you…_

 _It's you._

Since Shinohara freed him from Big Madam, Juuzou's always had control over what he does and what happens to his body. Now his spine relaxes, the muscles tense not with fear, but with anticipation. It's more than just him, and Hanbee doesn't want to hurt him.

 _He'd never hurt me._

Hanbee's lips find the red stitches going up his throat. When they're both bare, Hanbee still looks at him like he's an angel, like Big Madam never took anything, and Juuzou knows that that incident is the furthest thing from Hanbee's mind, and he lets it go, lets the memory float away, lets himself trust, lets Hanbee in.

When they're finished, it's still. Their arms wrap around each other, and their breathing slows together.

A scream rips through the air.

* * *

 _Nishiki, you snore,_ Ayato thinks sourly. A root digs into his back even though the canvas tent floor and his sleeping bag. Hinami's arm rests on his chest, her chin pressed into his shoulder. For the rest of break, Ayato's been staying with his father, and Hinami with them. In his room. Dad seemed slightly uncomfortable at first, but he really likes Hinami, so he didn't protest.

Something rustles outside. Ayato shifts, trying not to disturb Hinami.

A snort. _Was that Nishiki too?_ Ayato frowns.

Something presses against the side of the tent. Ayato freezes. _No way. This isn't happening. This is some kind of fucked up dream this isn't real it's not real wake up wake up wake up—_

Footsteps lumber away from the tent. Another snorts, and then the sound of the plastic cups they drank from crunching. _But I put those in a trash bag._

More snuffling.

Something cold creeps through Ayato's sternum. _No way._ He slides out from under Hinami's arm and creeps towards the edge of the tent. Blood pounds in his ears. He grips the zipper and slowly opens the tent.

"Ayato?" whispers Touka. His sister sits up, her form a dull shadow. "What are you—"

A dark shape paws through their garbage bag. Which is torn open. Plastic flutters through the air.

" _Holy fuck!"_ Ayato screams. He leaps backwards, straight onto Kaneki's legs.

"What the hell?" cries Kaneki.

" _It's a bear!"_ Ayato shouts. He scrambles to grab his flashlight.

"What?" yells Touka, rushing over to look out of the tent flap. Kimi yelps, and Nishiki grabs her with one arm. With the other, he fumbles for his glasses.

"Where are my shoes?" Ayato grunts. He reaches out, groping for them. He grabs Nishiki's foot by mistake.

"You can't go out there!" Kaneki snarls.

"Someone's gotta chase it out of here before it attacks!"

"Are you stupid, brat?" Nishiki grouses. "Bears don't attack unless you provoke them!"

"I think what you're thinking of is snakes, Nishiki," snaps Ayato. Hinami finds his shoes. He holds his hands out for them.

"Who's the idiot who left the garbage in the camp?" Touka demands. "Maybe we can offer them up as a sacrifice."

"I thought if we tied it up well and dumped it behind a tree we'd be fine!" Ayato hisses. _Stupid bear dragged it all back._

" _Ayato!"_ Touka shouts. Hinami sits on Ayato's shoes.

"Hinami!"

She crosses her arms across her chest, glaring at him. Ayato gulps.

"Never mind; he can fight the bear," Nishiki declares, flopping back down as if he might just go back to sleep.

Flashlights and shrieks erupt from Tsukiyama's tent, and then Urie's, Mutsuki's and that crowd's. Tsukiyama sticks his head out of his tent. "Fuck no!" He ducks back inside.

Shame bites at Ayato. _I'm such an idiot._ If he'd disposed of it properly, his friends wouldn't be in danger. _It's all my fault—I have to—_

" _Ayato!"_ Hinami grabs his shoulder. "No!"

"You are not going out there!" Kaneki bellows, tackling Ayato to the ground. His chin slams into a stone that the canvas tent bottom does not cushion at all. His teeth clack together.

"Did you have to do that?" Ayato grunts. Bitter blood fills his mouth.

"Don't be my boyfriend," Touka says. "Thinking you have to protect everyone."

"I don't; I just fucked up," Ayato groans. Hinami helps him sit up, the strap of her tank stop sliding off her shoulder. She reaches out and wipes a trickle of blood from his chin. _And I don't want anybody to get hurt_. Especially not because of a stupid lazy mistake like this. He grits his teeth. They ache.

The bear rises up on its hind legs. Hinami screams, diving backwards and taking Ayato with her.

"That's what one of the books said we should do!" shouts Kaneki. "Make noise!"

 _What the hell, then._ "Get the fuck out of here, you stupid furry cunt!" Ayato yells.

"The power of Christ compels you!" intones Seidou.

"That's blasphemous!" shouts Amon.

"I'll try anything at this point! I don't want to be eaten by anything except Kuro!"

"Consider yourself single," comes Kuro's droll voice.

Hinami throws her head back and lets out a high-pitched screech. Touka starts growling and Kimi wails. Nishiki groans and covers his ears. Kaneki shrugs and starts banging his shoes together. Tsukiyama and Karren's voices warble, deliberately off-key, singing a song from _Les Misérables_.

The bear roars, and Ayato freezes. His pulse thuds.

The bear turns and lumbers off.

 _Thank God._ Ayato's breath whooshes out of him.

"I'm going to kill you, you Goth punk!" shouts Nakarai from their tent.

"Wanna get through me first?" shoots back Hinami.

"Guys!" Mutsuki bursts out of his tent, draped in pajamas. He pads over to them, cursing as he steps on a twig. "Saiko's missing!"

"What?" shouts Juuzou, unzipping his tent.

"She's not in our tent!" Hsiao cries, scrambling out. Her eyes glow with fear for her girlfriend.

"Oh, god, the bear _ate_ her!" wails Shirazu. "Poor Saiko! She must have been so scared!"

"Shirazu, shut up!" snarls Urie. "We'll find her!"

"You are not going out at night in the woods by yourself!" Kaneki barks. "Not when a bear's on the loose!"

"I know you're the mom friend," Urie snaps. "But we're saving Saiko. Let's go, Mutsuki. Get our shoes, Shirazu."

"I don't care!" Hsiao says, tears cracking her voice. Ayato stiffens. He's never heard Hsiao cry before. "I love her, and I'm going to find her!" Orange flashlight in hand, she runs into the forest. Urie, Mutsuki, Shirazu, Higemaru, and Aura rush after her.

"Well, RIP them," remarks Nishiki. "Tragic to survive the raid at the Sunlit Garden only to become bear food."

"Nishiki, shut _up!"_ Touka snaps.

"Um, not to make everyone panic even more," says Kurona, crawling out of her tent. "But Akira's really sick. Like _really_ sick."

 _Shit_. Ayato gulps. Kimi scrambles over. Hinami grasps Ayato's hand.

Amon leaves the tent with Takizawa. Both of their faces are carved with worry. "Her fever's up to 40 degrees."

"Forty?" gasps Kaneki. "Did she take the para—"

"Yeah, and Nakarai had ibuprofen he gave her, and—" Amon sucks in his breath, interlacing his fingers on top of his scalp.

"She needs help," Ayato says, stepping closer. Hinami nods.

"How? We don't even have cell service here!" Amon wrings his hands. "She won't drink any water—she keeps throwing it up."

"How long ago did that start?" Nishiki demands, suddenly serious.

"An hour or two—I don't think anyone's slept in our tent. Kuro and I have been holding her hair."

Ayato draws in his breath. He glances at Hinami, and she nods at him. "I think you and I should hike out now, Amon. With flashlights. The bus won't be coming for us for another day, but we can call Yomo when we have service. Akira's going to need to be evacuated." _And Yomo will help us._ He knows it.

Amon presses his eyes shut. _Are you crying?_

 _You love her. So much._

"We need to do this," Seidou says, his voice rough. "Mado needs our help—she'd do it for us."

"I'll come instead," says Juuzou, his arm around Hanbee's waist. "If Amon's coming, Takizawa, you and Kuro should stay and take care of her. You're her close friends. Kaneki, you stay too."

"I'll make her drink," Kimi vows, sticking her head out of the tent. "But, guys, I do think she needs to get out of here. Soon."

 _This. This is something I can actually do to help my friends_. Ayato nods. If he can contact Yomo… It's still strange to Ayato, having people to rely on, instead of trying to grope his way through the world on his own.

"I'll take the garbage," says Kaneki. "We need to get rid of it."

"Get some water bottles," Juuzou orders, ducking back into the tent to grab his shoes. "And some flashlights, and your phones." He pops back out and grasps Hanbee's shoulders, pulling him down for a kiss.

 _Wow_. Ayato's impressed. He scrambles to get ready.

"You don't have to be a hero," Touka hisses.

"I know," Ayato says. "But I—" He swallows. _I want to help her. She and Amon helped us, and they're rooming with you and Kaneki now—I want to be someone they can depend on. Someone you can depend on. Someone like Yomo._

"Stay safe," Touka instructs, her voice rough.

Hinami reaches out and embraces him. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to. _I love you._

"Make lots of noise when you walk," warns Karren. "That will alert any bears that you're coming."

Ayato wonders about Urie, Mutsuki, Hsiao, and the rest. _Are you going to be okay?_

* * *

"No, don't die on me!" Saiko pleads with her phone. But the stupid thing's battery turns red and warns her. _10% remaining_. And she still hasn't been able to get a signal. She hasn't gone this long without looking for Pokémon for months. A mosquito pricks her leg and she smacks it away.

 _Where am I?_

Leaves crunch under her boots. Saiko turns around, frowning. _Which way did I come?_

Oh well. She'll figure it out. Saiko traipses forwards and straight into thorny brush. "Ouch." She hopes Hsiao, Shirazu, Urie, Mutsuki, and Higemaru don't worry too much about her. Knowing Hsiao, she's going to give Saiko an earful, and she'll probably set out looking for Saiko at dawn. Hsiao's too practical to set out after dark.

Saiko checks her phone again. Three in the morning. _I'm hungry._

Something sniffs behind her. "Hello?" Saiko calls. Her heart skips a beat. "P-Pokémon?" Her laugh falters.

Two eyes stare at her.

Saiko's breath leaves her. She freezes. _It's huge_. She doesn't even know what it is, but it's huge, and it's staring her down. "Nice animal," Saiko says, raising her hands and backing up. Her boot catches against a root and she stumbles.

The animal— _a bear?—_ lumbers past.

"Bye!" Saiko manages. "I hope you didn't eat any of my friends." Her heart still pounds. She gulps in the musty scent of the forest. _Are there more where you came from?_ Her hand reaches out to feel around her. Her fingers scrape damp, coarse bark. A huge tree towers above her. Its branches are too high for Saiko to pull herself up. _What if it comes back?_

Saiko shrugs and settles down at the base, propping her skull against one of the knots in the trunk. She pulls her knees to her chest and closes her eyes. Crickets and frogs and owls form an eerie chorus.

She hopes she can find her way in the morning. And that Hsiao's not too mad. She's going to a different college than Saiko is. Saiko wants to be a manga artist. She's currently writing a manga about all her friends. But she didn't even want to go to college at all until Urie, Shirazu, and Hsiao sat her down and made her apply.

 _I don't want to lose you all_. Saiko sniffles. Hsiao and Urie and Mutsuki—they all got into one of the best schools they could hope for, and she's happy for them because they deserve it. Urie especially worked so hard—though Mutsuki eventually outscored him in his exams, which he seemed proud of Mutsuki for.

 _But I miss you already_.

She misses her brother too, and her mother, but she doubts her mother misses her. The bark digs into her cheek. She didn't need or want Saiko, but Saiko needed and wanted her.

A twig snaps. Saiko should pry her eyes open, look to see a bear or a tiger or a rabid yeti coming to eat her, but she's too tired. _Maybe it won't notice me._

A light shines on her face. _"Saiko?"_

Her eyes snap open. "Hsiao!"

Hsiao races over to her, grabbing her in a hug. Even in the woods Hsiao still smells like metal and business. Saiko's breath whooshes out of her.

"Where were you?" Hsiao shrieks. Like she was _worried_. Which she must have been.

"Here," Saiko ekes out. _You came for me even though it's dark?_ She holds out her phone. "I was looking for service and my phone died."

"A bear came into our camp!" Hsiao says. "I thought—we were scared—"

"Oh yeah," Saiko says, a laugh bubbling up. "I saw it. It left me alone."

Hsiao cringes. "We all came looking for you—well, Urie, Mutsuki, Shirazu, Hige, and Aura."

"Really?" asks Saiko. Hope flutters inside her chest, in her wrists.

Hsiao nods. "But I don't know where the others are."

"Which way is camp?"

Hsiao points back the way they came. "I think we should stay put for the night. It's dangerous—I tripped and fell several times. _Me_. My knees and ass are bruised."

Saiko hesitates. _If my friends are out there—"_ No. We need to find them."

Hsiao hesitates. "I want to too, but Saiko, my phone's on its last legs too, and if we—"

"I'm not leaving—"

"We can't do everything!" Hsiao shouts. "Just because things have turned out okay for us in the Sunlit Garden and in that typhoon doesn't mean _this_ will! It's better if we wait until we can at least see where we're going—you can't always—"

"I want to make sure they're okay!" Saiko screams. _"Just like you came to find me!"_

Hsiao grabs her arm. "I'm trying to be reasonable! I came with a flashlight and my phone and it was a risk, but this is—I'm scared, Saiko. Make sure _you're_ okay too! I couldn't handle it if something were to happen to you!" Her voice shakes.

Saiko freezes. She thinks of her mother, gladly signing away her parental rights for Saiko just because she didn't want to worry about supporting both Saiko and her brother, and her brother won out. _You want me_.

"Please," begs Hsiao, her voice raw, and Saiko thinks of how Hsiao grew up, in that trafficking organization where people were constantly coming and going and she learned early not to form attachments, because it would only hurt when they were forced to leave, and everyone in that hellhole was hurt, and the only one you could protect was yourself. Hsiao told her these things one night, when Saiko smuggled Hsiao into her room while her roommate, Kurona, was off visiting Seidou. _"But you care about me," Saiko teased, and Hsiao reached out and nodded, brushing Saiko's blue hair off her face._ "If you want to look, I'll—go with you."

"Okay," Saiko relents. "We'll stay." She claps a hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking. _They have to be okay_. She takes Hsiao's hand and leads her to the tree where she was huddling earlier. She leans back against Hsiao's chest this time. _A lot more comfortable than the tree trunk_.

"I love you, you know," Hsiao whispers.

"I know," Saiko replies. "That was a _Star Wars_ reference, by the way."

Hsiao laughs.

"Love you too," Saiko mumbles. She tilts her head up, and Hsiao's lips dive down into hers. Hsiao's hands meander under Saiko's shirt. Saiko's hands grope Hsiao's sculpted abs, up to her breasts. They both pant.

"Ouch!" Someone curses.

"Shirazu!" Saiko shrieks, prying herself away from Hsiao. Hsiao switches her flashlight on.

Shirazu gapes at them. "You're okay! Saiko!"

"Where are the others?" demands Hsiao.

"No idea!" Shirazu shakes his head. "We got separated."

"We thought it'd be a good idea to wait until dawn," Hsiao says. "Since there's still a bear roaming around here."

Shirazu nods and traipses over to them. "You scared me, Saiko." He drops down next to her.

Saiko swallows. "Thanks for coming to find me, Shiragin." She flicks his orange hair, now growing back from that time he shaved it.

"Of course we did," Shirazu grunts. "You're our family."

A lump grows in Saiko's throat. Her eyes sting. She wipes at them.

"Saiko?" asks Hsiao. "You okay?"

 _Yes. No_. "Everyone's—moving on," she ekes out. "We'll all be—at two different schools—and—" _I don't want to move on._ Tears spill down her cheeks.

"Pfft," says Shirazu. "All in the same city, remember? We could even all get an apartment together if we wanted."

"We could?" asks Saiko. "Could we?"

"Mutsuki and Urie were talking about suggesting the idea. I heard them," Shirazu says. "Though Urie complained about having to live with Aura, because probably he and Higemaru would want in on it too."

"Can we please?" shrieks Saiko. Hsiao jumps. She grabs Shirazu's arm. "I still want you all around and we can still get together with everyone else who's at the campsite, but if the seven of us could get a place together, that would be—"

"Your wildest dreams?" jokes Shirazu.

"Shiragin, you're a genius!"

"Say that in front of Urie, please," Shirazu requests.

"I'd be game," Hsiao declares. "We could share a room, Saiko. So could Urie and Mutsuki."

Saiko squeals, grabbing her girlfriend's arm.

"If you leave a vibrator lying around, I will kill you," Shirazu warns.

 _So, we're so doing that, then,_ Saiko decides. "This is the best night ever!"

Hsiao and Shirazu laugh.

* * *

"What if another squirrel attacks?" demands Aura.

"That would suck for you," replies Urie. Higemaru laughs. Mutsuki sighs. A frog croaks.

A branch scrapes at Urie's eye. He bats it away. They have to find Saiko, and Hsiao now too, and Shirazu. _Where the hell did they go?_

 _It's so dark out._ Urie clings to Mutsuki's hand, pulling him through trees, skeletal ones reaching to drag their fingers through Urie's hair, bulbous ones looming overhead as if they're about to fall and crush them. Higemaru stumbles over a root and curses. "Hey, Urie?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't—really think that bear could have—" Higemaru's voice trembles. An owl hoots.

"No." Urie refuses to let himself think about it. They've been in far more dangerous situations. Saiko has to be fine. She has a manga to complete, even if it does show Urie as some kind of hulking monster.

Another mosquito bites Urie's cheek. He bats it away with his phone. His calves and neck and arms are all covered in swollen red bites that itch so much they burn. His shirt rubs against them, a cruel torture.

Aura picks up a giant stick from the ground and tests it as a walking stick. Urie rolls his eyes. Though he wouldn't mind that stick stabbing some of his mosquito bites. _Stop itching!_

"Preparing to fight off any more squirrels?" asks Higemaru.

Aura scowls. His cheek has several scratches. He swings the stick through the air like a sword. It whistles through the air. He bangs it on trees.

"Do you mind?" asks Urie.

"Noises ward off bears," Aura retorts, jabbing the stick upwards.

A buzzing sound eclipses the crunching of leaves. Urie stops.

"Shit!" Aura yelps.

"You did not!" shrieks Higemaru.

"Run!" bellows Mutsuki, tearing off, dragging Urie along. A stream of hornets surge towards them, angry.

"Ow!" cries Higemaru. "I've been stung!"

"Higemaru!" Mutsuki yelps.

"It's not like you've been shot!" shouts Aura.

Higemaru screams, and Urie whirls around, prepared to see his pink-haired friend disappearing beneath a swarm of hornets. Instead, he sees Higemaru flailing, having tripped over a rock. Flailing above the edge of a ditch. _"Higemaru!"_

He tumbles over the edge. Mutsuki shrieks. Urie reaches the edge to see Higemaru lying face-down at the end of a steep slope. " _Hige!"_

"It hurts," Higemaru ekes out. He curses, and his voice breaks. "Dammit!"

Mutsuki grabs Urie as they make their way down the slope, sliding and clinging to each other. "Can you stand?"

Higemaru flops around like he's trying, but he doesn't succeed.

"Is it your leg?" asks Mutsuki. He slips and Urie catches him. Aura practically crawls down on his hands and knees.

"No," Higemaru manages. Urie reaches the end and rushes over, reaching for his shoulder. Higemaru cries out.

 _Oh no._

 _Oh shit._

Higemaru's left arm sticks out at a sickening angle. Mutsuki covers his mouth. His other shoulder twitches, and that's when Urie notices that Higemaru's right wrist is twisted.

 _They're both broken._

"Aura, help me roll him over!" Mutsuki orders, dropping to his knees. He takes Higemaru's side. "Urie, protect his arm."

 _How?_ Urie crouches, steadying the bone. Higemaru screams in agony as Mutsuki and Aura flip him so that he's lying on his back. Tears run down his face. "I'm sorry—"

"Don't apologize," Urie cuts in. Nausea bubbles in his stomach, shoots up his throat, scorching him. "I'm sorry—I—"

"What are we gonna do?" asks Aura, hair falling back from his eyes for once.

"We can't leave him," says Mutsuki. "We need to get him back to camp—call for help—"

"How are we going to move him?" Urie cries. _This is all my fault!_

"I'm sorry," whispers Aura. Higemaru grimaces, lips curling as he tries not to sob in pain. He can't even wipe his tears away. Mutsuki leans over to do it for him.

"I'm gonna—throw up," Higemaru ekes out.

"Shit!" Panic shoots through Urie. _He'll choke—we can't flip him again, his arms are—_

"Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth," Mutsuki encourages. "Deep breaths, Hige."

Higemaru obeys. Mutsuki wipes his tears again.

"We have to wait for dawn," whispers Urie. _I failed. I failed again._ A mosquito sinks its mouth into his neck and Urie doesn't even swat it away.

 _I am the worst friend ever._

Mutsuki's fingers brush the mosquito off Urie's neck. He gives Urie a small smile, squeezing his shoulder. Urie swallows. And then he notices some black spots glinting on Mutsuki's upper arm. "Tooru?"

"Hm?"

Urie grabs the flashlight and swings it around. Three black spots. Three— _leeches_.

Mutsuki screams.

"Holy fuck!" Aura leaps to his feet, scouring his own arms. Higemaru groans.

"Get them off!" Mutsuki shrieks. Tears clog his voice. "Urie—please—"

"Calm down," Urie pleads, tilting Mutsuki's chin up. His heart pounds. _You have to be calm, Urie, stay calm, help your boyfriend_. "I'll get them off, Tooru, I promise."

Mutsuki covers his mouth, shaking. "I hate blood."

Urie nods. "I'm so—sorry—"

"Don't blame yourself," Higemaru rasps.

Urie gulps. He slides his fingernail under one of the leeches. Mutsuki sucks in his breath. The sucker lets go, and Urie stomps on it. Blood trickles down Mutsuki's arm. He removes the other two, and blood continues to run down Mutsuki's arm.

"What if it attracts the bear?" Aura wonders.

"Don't even say that," Urie snaps. Mutsuki wipes Higemaru's face again and leans back against Urie, clinging to him. Urie holds him close.

"Sorry." Aura wraps his arms around himself, huddling. "I didn't mean to hit that hornet's nest."

"Mistakes happen," Higemaru manages. "My stomach's—better."

"Good." Urie nods. Aura's hair covers his eyes again. He pulls his knees up to his chest. Another mosquito attacks Urie's ear. He slaps it. _Dammit_ , everything itches.

"It's almost four," manages Mutsuki. "The sun should come up in a few hours."

"My aunt's going to be disappointed," Aura says. "She loves camping—she wanted me to like it too—she used to take me camping when I was younger and my parents weren't—well. She'll be upset everything went so wrong."

"It's not your fault," Mutsuki says.

Aura shrugs. "I just want to make her proud."

"We know," Urie says, remembering their adventures in the typhoon. But what Aura's saying churns inside him. _Don't I just want to make Dad proud? Even though he's dead, and I'm still not sure I forgive him for it?_

"She loves you," Mutsuki says.

"She protected me," Aura says. He picks up a dead leaf and shreds it. "I want to repay the favor—make her feel as if I'm not a waste."

 _What if I'm a waste?_ Urie scratches his legs. The itch only intensifies. He's spent his whole life scrabbling, reaching, desperate to get into a good school, desperate to prove himself, prove that his father shouldn't have left him because he didn't deserve to be forgotten, because he was someone who mattered, and his father was wrong, so wrong, for forgetting his son mattered and wanted him and needed him and his father should have wanted him too, wanted more than he wanted to protect his squad.

 _But_ —Urie looks at Higemaru, gasping in pain, at Aura, at Mutsuki. He thinks of Saiko, of Shirazu, of Hsiao.

 _I wish I had the broken arms._ A leaf floats down and brushes Urie's hair.

"You're not an inconvenience to us," says Mutsuki. "You're our friend."

Urie looks at his boyfriend, who smiles at him. _At_ _the very least, I have you._

Mutsuki reaches out and rubs Urie's bites for him, not scratching, but trying to smooth the itch away.

"Thanks," Aura mumbles. He wipes at his eyes.

 _I miss you_.

Urie looks at Mutsuki. Blood dribbles down his arm from the leeches. _Would you visit his grave with me? Even if what I want to say to him isn't pretty?_

Mutsuki rubs his bites for him, and Urie presses his cheek against Mutsuki's head. "It's okay, Aura."

Aura looks up at him, hair still covering one of his eyes. Urie nods at him.

The sun rises within another few hours, bleeding golden fire and maroon blood through the trees and onto them. Aura volunteers to stay with Higemaru while Mutsuki and Urie find camp and help.

"Hey!" a shout echoes above them. Urie squints.

Shirazu, Hsiao, and— _Saiko_ stand above them, leaves and twigs in their hair, mud smeared over Saiko's cheeks.

"Saiko!" Urie shouts. "You—we were—"

" _What happened to Higemaru?"_ shrieks Saiko.

"Broken arm and wrist," says Urie. "Probably."

"We were only twenty meters from here!" cries Shirazu, clutching his skull. "God—"

"I can find out way back to camp," Hsiao declares. "Someone's gonna have to hike out—we'll get you out of here, Higemaru."

Higemaru grits his teeth. Sweat slides down his face.

"We'll stay with you," Mutsuki says. "Since they're going." He crouches back down next to Higemaru.

Urie nods. _We're going to be okay._

He hopes. He glances up at his friends. Shirazu, Saiko, and Hsiao. _I trust you guys._

 _Don't let us down._

* * *

"How much further?" Amon asks.

"We should be near the road now," Juuzou says. Amon strains to hear, but all he hears is the chirping of birds and the buzzing of flies. He wipes sweat from the back of his neck. _Hang on, Akira. Help's coming._

Ayato grunts, gulping some water. Blue creeps across the sky.

Amon yanks his phone out. His heart skips a beat. "I have a signal!"

"You do?" Juuzou spins around.

Amon nods. He dials an emergency number, heart pounding. Ayato pulls out his own phone and calls Yomo. Up ahead, Amon hears a car. Juuzou races towards the sound, shouting and waving his arms.

After he's assured help is on the way, Amon breaks out from the forest and bends over, gripping his knees. _You're going to be okay, Akira._

"Stupid car just drove on!" Juuzou cries, indignant.

"I called my uncle," Ayato says. "He and Marude are about a half hour from here. He's on his way."

"They said the ambulance might take awhile," Amon admits.

"Was Yomo mad?" asks Juuzou.

"Marude was blustering in the background, but Yomo said something about how we're still his students even if he passed us all in bio," Ayato says, lowering his head.

"Well," says Juuzou. "Help's coming." He sticks his hands in his pockets and whistles.

"You're awfully happy," Ayato comments to his former roommate.

Juuzou shrugs. "I've got reasons to be."

Amon smiles. He remembers how Juuzou acted when he first met him. Now he has Hanbee and Shinohara and so many friends.

"We're all staying in touch, right?" Juuzou asks. "Next year."

Amon nods. "Absolutely."

Ayato snorts. "It's weird. We're all still a family like Shinohara said we would be."

"We all kind of survived Furuta and the Sunlit Garden together," says Amon. "It's hard not to stay in touch after that." And seeing so many of them, Juuzou and Ayato and Tsukiyama and Karren and even Mutsuki, all the ones he'd given up hope for, claw their way back, find home, ignites hope Amon never had for himself even as it tears down the pedestal of _different_ he stood petrified on for all those years after Donato was taken away.

He is no different than them, and that's okay.

" _You could contact him if you wanted to," Akira said to Amon last week, lying back on one of the soft pillows in the apartment they just moved into with Kaneki and Touka. Their home. "It wouldn't be a betrayal, you know. Not of anyone."_

" _Hsiao and all those people he helped traffic might feel differently," Amon pointed out. Sunlight drifted through the windows, curtains not yet purchased._

" _I think they'd understand, and you wouldn't have to bring it up," said Akira, looking away from him. "It's your business. You can love two people even if those people hate each other. You don't have to forgive him either."_

 _But she knew Amon missed him, and Amon wondered if Akira had fully forgiven her own father for everything._

Juuzou sighs.

Yomo sputters up on a motorcycle before the ambulance. "It's Marude's," he says, helmet strapped to his head. "I'll ride up. One of you should come with—"

"I'll stay," says Ayato. "I should call my dad and tell him what's up."

"I'll stay too," Amon says reluctantly. "Juuzou, you go." He's too large to fit safely, and Akira will kick him when she realizes he rode up there on that motorcycle even if he doesn't wind up injured.

"I'll go," Juuzou volunteers.

"He and Hanbee totally fucked last night," Ayato remarks the moment they're out of earshot. Amon rolls his eyes. _Good for them._

The ambulance arrives, and Amon spends the morning getting sunburned by the side of the road as he waits for them to bring Akira down. Instead of Akira, though, first they bring Higemaru down, both of his arms splinted.

"What the hell?" Ayato cries.

"We're calling for a second ambulance," grunts one of the paramedics. Aura, Mutsuki, Urie, Shirazu, Saiko, and Hsiao are with them, and apparently Aura's going to need rabies shots for the squirrel attack "just to be on the safe side." Marude arrives eventually, scowling and muttering about how he just knew it would be a disaster.

It's another few hours before they finally bring Akira down, her face still flushed and feverish. The rest of the group troops along, all with bags under their eyes. Amon rushes over to her. "Akira!"

"Still have a fever," she gasps. Matted strands of blond hair stick to her flushed face. Amon wants to cry.

"You can tag along," allows one of the paramedics. Amon leaps into the back of the ambulance. He catches a glimpse of Juuzou and Yomo staggering back, both covered in mud.

"The motorcycle got wrecked!" calls Juuzou.

" _The fuck?"_ shrieks Marude, clutching his face.

Akira raises her eyebrows. Even when sick, her skepticism is scathing. Amon snorts. "What?"

"We're still finding ways to mess with Re Academy over a year after graduating," he answers.

Akira manages a smile. "My head—really hurts."

Amon reaches out to rub her temples for her.

When they arrive at the emergency room. Mado's waiting with Higemaru's uncle and Kiyoko Aura. He leaps to his feet, scrambling over to them, shoes squeaking against the tiled floor. "Akira!"

"You can see your daughter in a few moments," snaps one of the nurses. "Let them work on her first!"

Akira lifts her hand and waves. The antiseptic smell saturating the place makes Amon cough.

"I trusted you to keep her safe!" Mado barks at Amon.

"Dad, he hiked out in the middle of the night to help me; what more do you want?" Akira snarls. She tries to prop herself up on shaking elbows. "I can—take care of myself—" She gags. Amon leaps forwards to hold her hair back as bile dribbles out of her mouth.

"Okay, okay, all of you out!" barks the doctor. Amon steps back. Mado glowers at him. His first instinct is to say _sorry_ , but no, that's not quite right. Because he's not sorry—he's sorry Akira's sick, but it's not his fault.

 _I love her. I want to help her as much as you do_. Amon folds his arms.

"San-chan!" shrieks Kiyoko Aura when Shinsanpei emerges with bandages on his face. Aura flushes. Saiko smiles at him. Other onlookers in the emergency room wrinkle their noses; Amon presumes none of them smell great. A nurse takes Mutsuki and Urie both back to treat Mutsuki's leech bites and Urie's apparently infected mosquito bites. Urie returns covered in pink lotion.

" _What happened to my motorcycle?'_ shrieks Marude. Juuzou cackles, holding Hanbee's hand.

Shinohara bursts through the hospital's glass doors, Arata Kirishima on his heels. Juuzou runs over, giving Shinohara a hug. Amon waves. Arata wraps Ayato and Touka up in his arms.

"Still causing chaos, I see," remarks Shinohara with a roll of his eyes. He reaches out for Hanbee, who embraces him too.

When the doctors usher Amon and Mado back together to see Akira—who apparently has a virus but will be monitored overnight to keep her hydrated—Akira looks better already. An IV pumps fluid into her body, and her cheeks don't look so sunken. Amon rushes to her, grabbing her hand. Mado grabs her other hand.

"I'm fine, see?" Akira says weakly. "Just an ankle sprain and some bug."

"Higemaru had to have surgery," Amon admits. Akira's eyes widen. "But he'll be okay."

"That boy's accident-prone," Akira rasps. Amon snorts, running his thumb over her hand.

"Knew that camping trip was a bad idea," Mado grumbles, relief sagging in his face.

"Hey Dad," Akira says. "Since you can't get mad at me while I'm in a hospital bed, I should tell you."

Amon's throat suddenly feels parched. He swallows spit that stings like needles.

"Amon and I moved in together. We're sharing an apartment off-campus with Kaneki and Touka next year," Akira says.

Mado's eyes bug. Amon almost flinches, but no, he can't, he shouldn't. He's not embarrassed about his relationship with Akira. It's the best thing that's ever happened to him. _Tell him. Say it out loud._

" _Why is it so hard to tell him?" Amon wondered the day before they left for camping, when he and Touka were drinking coffee in their living room._

" _Because," Touka said. "He's important to you. You don't want to let him down." She smiled at Amon, and he knew she understood._

Mado's gaze darkens. His nostrils practically shoot steam.

"We love each other," Amon whispers. "She's my—she's—you should be so proud of her."

His jaw drops. "I _am_ ," Mado insists.

They sit with Akira until her eyes drift shut, and then Mado announces he's going to get coffee. Amon stays with Akira. "When you wake up," he says softly. "I'd like it if you could help me write to Donato." He swallows. "I at least want to try. Even if I can't send it yet."

"I'm not asleep yet," Akira murmurs, squeezing his hand. Amon jumps. Akira smirks. "Of course."

When Mado comes back ten minutes later, though, Akira is lightly snoring. And in Mado's hands are two cups of coffee.

He passes one to Amon.


End file.
